Hey guys!
Yesterday I posted a blog on Depression & I said that I would talk about MY depression later on, So this is it. Its here....
" Grades Don't Measure Intelligence, And Age Doesn't Define Maturity "
This is a quote I came across back in 2014. This made an effect in my life from that day forward.
My parents , especially my dad, is a person all about grades. I told him about this quote once and all he said was "Toh?" (So?). He ignored it...
This is how my depression started to set in..
The day my sister left for the USA for her college and I was left alone here. The depression started.
Everything bad happening was my fault, Some good things were because of me.
Things I didn't do were my fault. Good things I did were not done by me.
Grades started mattering more.
To me grades have always been just numbers. Taken that these grades help you get into college and classes from 5-8 are the base, the foundation. But just sometimes you have to think that is life only about the grades you get in school?
As the title says, Grades don't define intelligence, and somehow its true.
Im a girl who gets average marks, but yet I feel like I'm more mature than other girls my age.
Some of the most stupid people I've ever met are the people who get good grades, But its like that because all they care is about school ( no offence to anyone )
General awareness is lacking in those people. I have a friend in school who gets real good marks, But she cries if she gets 14.5/15 while on the other hand , me. I get 12/15 or sometimes less ( only in maths ) But I don't think that's a healthy reason to cry about, But that's just my opinion.
I work hard. In Term- I I got 78% while I expected 81% Before that ( in 6 grade ) I got 83% But in the end it got decreased to 79%.
But I don't think what I got in my exams actually defines who I am as a person.
You know those moments when you work your ass off, But in the end you get marks which just scream " You didn't study " Yup that happens. More often than you think.
It happens with me I study like my whole life depends on it but in the end what has to happen, happens, I blame myself for that," I didn't study enough, I wasn't prepared "
But that doesn't change anything. Ultimately this blog is not about this.
I know that what I am talking about has 2 different sides, many different opinions. Well I choose whatever this side might be...
My parents , as Im not good in Maths, mock me ( sorry to say but that's my dad ) He always says " You never study, You'll fail " " Padh liya kar waise bhi itna nahi padhti hain, na hi tere bohut acche marks aate hain" ( Go study, You dont study anyways neither do you get good marks)
Sometimes I cry , Most of the times I have to hide all this in. Go into the bathroom, Cry your lungs out, Scream, Get all your aggression out. Wipe my tears. Come out. Act like nothing has happened.
You can notice Im still not entirely comfortable sharing about my depression as the topic keeps on changing, But at least I'm speaking up.
All these taunts he gives me make me sad, make me feel useless, like a piece of shit.
Like I was a mistake while my sister was the achievement, the best thing that ever happened.
But I know its not like that, Its different, It'll never be like that. But I cant ignore the fact that, that's how I feel most of the time. I have no one to talk to, The time gap between my sister and me serve as a barrier to talk with her properly. Still we do, I've told her about this. She has given me advice, She has helped me but the cold truth is that she is not here with me, and she will not be with me every single moment of my life. Some things I'll have to handle by myself, But things like this is what I've been dealing with since she has gone. I told here recently 'cause It was just too much! Sharing relieved me from all the pain. I felt a huge burden had been taken off from me.
To tell you the truth while writing the whole paragraph there I nearly cried but I had to stop myself from breaking out as my cousin is right beside me.
I go to Maths tuition and I hadn't been going to a few classes cause of the health of my grandma I had to stay at home so she wont be alone. That was for 3 classes or 4 to the max. One day my dad came home early from office and it was time for my tuition, My mother was also home. He asked " Am I going to tuition? " I didnt reply. That silence was enough for him.
He yelled at me, screamed said.... Umm I dont recall it properly but...
" Padhti wadhti hain nahi, Pata nahi bade hoke kya karegi? Bade hoke kaamwaali bai banegi. Tum mujhe batao ki bade hoke tum chahte ho ki tumhare ghar main koi kaam kare ya tum kisi ke ghar main kaam karo? " ( You never study, I dont know what will you become when you are older. When you grow up do you want to become a maid? You tell me Do you want a maid in your house or Do you want to be a maid in someone else's house? )
Yes, I know its something I shouldn't be telling gives the wrong idea of my father, But this is how I am taking it out, This is how I choose to take it out.
My father is an amazing guy ,truth be told, But most of the things......
Yes, Im getting all teary eyed again. I wanna cry. There are too many things stuffed inside me, which I dont show.
" Life is a series of ups and downs "
Right now I think this is whats doing the talking for me..
I have downs every single day but Im trying to live them as another up. Call me crazy but thats how I cope. I suppress.
My remedy is Music, Writing, Laughing....
* I have soo much to say. I don't know if I can right now. This post is already so long. I know there will be another part of this. Im pretty sure of that fact.
I've never felt sadder in my entire life than what I am going through right now.
I feel after writing this I feel ...... Happier?
I have my best friends in my school whom which I meet and It feels like all these problems are just a dream. But then coming back home. The "dream" is back...
This is all for today.*
****
Lets Interact!!
Instagram: instagram.com/vanshajain
Facebook: facebook.com/HappinessPainAndMore2.Blogspot?ref=hl
**UPDATE**
Now I read this post again and I cant stop to think of my father as the villian in my story.
I dont want that.
I love him, He loves me.
I just gave your reasons for my depression. This post was not to make my father look like the "bad guy". He is a great guy. Its just some things...
Ultimately I'd like to say.
He is just a character in the story & not the villian. I dont hate him.
These were just reasons for my depression.
Yesterday I posted a blog on Depression & I said that I would talk about MY depression later on, So this is it. Its here....
" Grades Don't Measure Intelligence, And Age Doesn't Define Maturity "
This is a quote I came across back in 2014. This made an effect in my life from that day forward.
My parents , especially my dad, is a person all about grades. I told him about this quote once and all he said was "Toh?" (So?). He ignored it...
This is how my depression started to set in..
The day my sister left for the USA for her college and I was left alone here. The depression started.
Everything bad happening was my fault, Some good things were because of me.
Things I didn't do were my fault. Good things I did were not done by me.
Grades started mattering more.
To me grades have always been just numbers. Taken that these grades help you get into college and classes from 5-8 are the base, the foundation. But just sometimes you have to think that is life only about the grades you get in school?
As the title says, Grades don't define intelligence, and somehow its true.
Im a girl who gets average marks, but yet I feel like I'm more mature than other girls my age.
Some of the most stupid people I've ever met are the people who get good grades, But its like that because all they care is about school ( no offence to anyone )
General awareness is lacking in those people. I have a friend in school who gets real good marks, But she cries if she gets 14.5/15 while on the other hand , me. I get 12/15 or sometimes less ( only in maths ) But I don't think that's a healthy reason to cry about, But that's just my opinion.
I work hard. In Term- I I got 78% while I expected 81% Before that ( in 6 grade ) I got 83% But in the end it got decreased to 79%.
But I don't think what I got in my exams actually defines who I am as a person.
You know those moments when you work your ass off, But in the end you get marks which just scream " You didn't study " Yup that happens. More often than you think.
It happens with me I study like my whole life depends on it but in the end what has to happen, happens, I blame myself for that," I didn't study enough, I wasn't prepared "
But that doesn't change anything. Ultimately this blog is not about this.
I know that what I am talking about has 2 different sides, many different opinions. Well I choose whatever this side might be...
My parents , as Im not good in Maths, mock me ( sorry to say but that's my dad ) He always says " You never study, You'll fail " " Padh liya kar waise bhi itna nahi padhti hain, na hi tere bohut acche marks aate hain" ( Go study, You dont study anyways neither do you get good marks)
Sometimes I cry , Most of the times I have to hide all this in. Go into the bathroom, Cry your lungs out, Scream, Get all your aggression out. Wipe my tears. Come out. Act like nothing has happened.
You can notice Im still not entirely comfortable sharing about my depression as the topic keeps on changing, But at least I'm speaking up.
All these taunts he gives me make me sad, make me feel useless, like a piece of shit.
Like I was a mistake while my sister was the achievement, the best thing that ever happened.
But I know its not like that, Its different, It'll never be like that. But I cant ignore the fact that, that's how I feel most of the time. I have no one to talk to, The time gap between my sister and me serve as a barrier to talk with her properly. Still we do, I've told her about this. She has given me advice, She has helped me but the cold truth is that she is not here with me, and she will not be with me every single moment of my life. Some things I'll have to handle by myself, But things like this is what I've been dealing with since she has gone. I told here recently 'cause It was just too much! Sharing relieved me from all the pain. I felt a huge burden had been taken off from me.
To tell you the truth while writing the whole paragraph there I nearly cried but I had to stop myself from breaking out as my cousin is right beside me.
I go to Maths tuition and I hadn't been going to a few classes cause of the health of my grandma I had to stay at home so she wont be alone. That was for 3 classes or 4 to the max. One day my dad came home early from office and it was time for my tuition, My mother was also home. He asked " Am I going to tuition? " I didnt reply. That silence was enough for him.He yelled at me, screamed said.... Umm I dont recall it properly but...
" Padhti wadhti hain nahi, Pata nahi bade hoke kya karegi? Bade hoke kaamwaali bai banegi. Tum mujhe batao ki bade hoke tum chahte ho ki tumhare ghar main koi kaam kare ya tum kisi ke ghar main kaam karo? " ( You never study, I dont know what will you become when you are older. When you grow up do you want to become a maid? You tell me Do you want a maid in your house or Do you want to be a maid in someone else's house? )
Yes, I know its something I shouldn't be telling gives the wrong idea of my father, But this is how I am taking it out, This is how I choose to take it out.
My father is an amazing guy ,truth be told, But most of the things......
Yes, Im getting all teary eyed again. I wanna cry. There are too many things stuffed inside me, which I dont show.
" Life is a series of ups and downs "
Right now I think this is whats doing the talking for me..
I have downs every single day but Im trying to live them as another up. Call me crazy but thats how I cope. I suppress.
My remedy is Music, Writing, Laughing....
* I have soo much to say. I don't know if I can right now. This post is already so long. I know there will be another part of this. Im pretty sure of that fact.
I've never felt sadder in my entire life than what I am going through right now.
I feel after writing this I feel ...... Happier?
I have my best friends in my school whom which I meet and It feels like all these problems are just a dream. But then coming back home. The "dream" is back...
This is all for today.*
****
Lets Interact!!
Instagram: instagram.com/vanshajain
Facebook: facebook.com/HappinessPainAndMore2.Blogspot?ref=hl
**UPDATE**
Now I read this post again and I cant stop to think of my father as the villian in my story.
I dont want that.
I love him, He loves me.
I just gave your reasons for my depression. This post was not to make my father look like the "bad guy". He is a great guy. Its just some things...
Ultimately I'd like to say.
He is just a character in the story & not the villian. I dont hate him.
These were just reasons for my depression.
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